…I can’t sleep.
Don’t you just hate how your own blog is supposed to be the place where you are able rant about random things (esp. shit) that are going on in your life but then, you’re no longer able to do so because there are certain rants that you don’t want certain people to see. (And no, it’s not always because said rant is all about dissing the person/people but it’s because you don’t want them to read it and receive their sympathy/pity [Because that’s just lame].)
Despite what most people think, blogs aren’t about being emo where the whole world can see you and just to seek attention. It’s more about putting into words the things that are going on in your life, the thoughts that are overcrowding your mind. Bloggers put those musings on the web because they want to let them free.
One might say that typing it in and saving it somewhere in your own computer system is the same thing. But it’s not. That doesn’t serve much of a purpose, it’s basically the same as bottling up your thoughts into one corner of your mind. But that’s not the point. The point is bringing it out and not getting overwhelmed by it.
When you post your thoughts on the web, you’re, at the same time, letting people know of what’s going on in your life, relieving a bit of the burden you’re going through, understanding your thoughts further yourself, and also, not bothering someone else with the happenings in your life but sharing it with everyone. It’s a secret that everyone has the power to know.
I want to rant. There’s a hell of a lot of stuff going on inside my head right now that even I can’t fully understand. I’m at a position in my life where, after a long time, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I am fated to make choices for things I’ve never come across in my life. I don’t know what my heart wants me to do, I don’t know how or what to do.
But I can’t, because I’m afraid of getting judged. Not by society at large but by certain people important to me. I’m afraid I might be held accountable for the words I share and I don’t want my future and how people see me to change because of the words I’ve written.
I’ve never been here.